There are however many decisions about which there is no biblical command.  If you read that you are not to commit adultery and you happen to be involved in that very sin when you read the command and are convicted, you may (should) want to stop immediately.  Now comes another decision—how should you break off the sinful relationship?

About this latter decision, there is no specific command. Should you go personally to the other party and tell her/him your decision? Send an email? A letter? Perhaps phone? Possibly go together with your pastor to break the news?  How will you make this decision?

First, it is clear that you should use wisdom.  In all judgment calls, like this one, wisdom from the application of larger biblical principles must prevail.  But, perhaps, you don’t know what is the wisest thing to do.  What then?

Pray?

OK.  That’s good.  What else?

Proverbs says that there is safety in a multitude of counselors.  Speaking with an elder or two—or with your pastor—you may receive the help that you need.  It may include warnings to avoid some courses of action, it may include principles having to do with exercising care in dealing with the other person. And, because of the peculiarities of your circumstances, the solution may be one, in some other situation, it might be different. Wisdom, expediency, and caution are biblically-commanded factors to consider as you seek to please God by your action.

Check out our online course, The Use of Scripture in Counseling, taught by Jay Adams!

1. What to do on Thursday
2. The Christian’s Guide to Guidance 
3. A Call for Discernment

The Christian Counselor’s New Testament and Proverbs, translated by Jay Adams

Visit our online bookstore for all your biblical counseling resource needs.
For biblical counseling training, check out our list of INS Online Courses.

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The post Decisions appeared first on Institute for Nouthetic Studies | Biblical Counseling.

Are you serious, or are you presenting me with a conundrum?

“No. I’m dead serious. I have a decision to make as to whether or not to do something. I’d like to do it but I don’t know whether its something that the Lord would approve of.””

Ah. I see.

“And it’s been bugging me for days. I can’t tell you what it is, either. I have to keep the matter quiet until I decide. Without any data, do you think you can help?”

Possibly. Let’s consider the matter abstractly—strictly from the side of the principle involved.

“You mean, in something like whether or not I feel a prompting in my spirit or not. Or whether I feel peace about the matter? Both of those ideas have been suggested. But the problem is, I don’t feel anything but confused,”

Good!

“Good? What do you mean good? Do you approve of me being confused?”

Certainly—I’m glad you haven’t had any feelings that you interpreted as God’s direction. Those ideas are never taught in the Bible, and have led many people into serious trouble. To try to follow feelings as a guide is like trying to catch a wave. They’re never the same. Feelings are up one day and down the next with the weather, or what you sate for lunch. Even apart from not being a Bible instruction, it’s on its foolish when you think about it.

“It didn’t feel right, I’ll admit.”

Didn’t feel right? There you go—depending on feelings anyway!

“What I meant is it didn’t seem right.”

A bit better. But what if you had said, “I considered the matter, and I didn’t find any biblical basis for proceeding with it?” Don’t you think that a statement something like that—where you are looking for an objective answer from God’s Standard would have been better? Of course, you would have had to do so to be honest.

“Well, I did look at the Bible, and I couldn’t find anything to help.”

There is a biblical principle that may fit your case.

“Tell me about it.”

It’s found in Romans 14.

“I thought that book was all about theology, and stuff like that.”

Well, there’s certainly allot of theology in Romans, for sure, but that’s not all that’s there. Some very practical matters are there which—rightly so—are based on theological principles.

“Oh. Well tell me about Romans 14.”

O.K. Here’s what he writes in verse 23,

But whosoever doubts is condemned if he eats, because he doesn’t eat in faith; and whatsoever isn’t done in faith is sin.

“But my problem has nothing to do with eating.”

I didn’t think that it would.

“Well, then, why bring it up?”

I told you we were going to examine a principle that might help you. The principle is “whatsoever isn’t done in faith is sin.”

“How does that help?”

Just this way. There were Romans who didn’t know whether or not they should eat certain foods—we needn’t go into that here—because they thought that doing so might be sin. Paul says, until you are sure that it isn’t sinful to do so, don’t. It’s that simple. I like to call it the “Holding principle.” You put the matter on hold until you can determine biblically whether or not it is or isn’t sin to do something.

“Hmmm I think O see it now: to move ahead in this matter would be sin if suspect it might be. But what if it isn’t sin?”

At this point, that doesn’t matter. Until you determine from the Bible (not from feelings) that it isn’t sin, you should take no further action. Of course, if you determine it is, that settles the matter. But of you’re not sure, you shouldn’t go ahead because if you do, you are doing something that you think might be sin, can you do that in God’s sight ? Of course not! To so what you think might be sin (even if it really isn) is sin on your part because of your attitude . . .”

“What do you mean my attitude?”

Simply this, you would be willing to do something that you thought might be sin—that is a sinful attitude. So even if the act—whatever it is—isn’t sin; your attitude in doing it is sin.

“Got it! I put it on hold until I’m sure, biblically, that it’s OK to move ahead.”

You did.

Blessings!

Check out our online course, The Use of Scripture in Counseling, taught by Jay Adams!

1. What to do on Thursday
2. The Christian’s Guide to Guidance 
3. A Call for Discernment

The Christian Counselor’s New Testament and Proverbs, translated by Jay Adams

Visit our online bookstore for all your biblical counseling resource needs.
For biblical counseling training, check out our list of INS Online Courses.

Follow INS on Social Media:
– Facebook: noutheticstudies
– Twitter: @noutheticstud
– Instagram: @noutheticstudies

The post What to Do About It appeared first on Institute for Nouthetic Studies | Biblical Counseling.

Are you serious, or are you presenting me with a conundrum?

“No. I’m dead serious. I have a decision to make as to whether or not to do something. I’d like to do it but I don’t know whether its something that the Lord would approve of.”

Ah. I see.

“And it’s been bugging me for days. I can’t tell you what it is, either. I have to keep the matter quiet until I decide. Without any data, do you think you can help?”

Possibly. Let’s consider the matter abstractly—strictly from the side of the principle involved.

“You mean, by something like whether or not I feel a prompting in my spirit or not. Or whether I feel peace about the matter? Both of those ideas have been suggested. But the problem is, I don’t feel anything but confused,”

Good!

“Good? What do you mean good? Do you approve of me being confused?”

Certainly—I’m glad you haven’t had any feelings that you interpreted as God’s direction. Those ideas are never taught in the Bible, and have led many people into serious trouble. To try to follow feelings as a guide is like trying to catch waves. They’re never the same. Feelings are up one day and down the next with the weather, or what you ate for lunch. Even apart from not being a Biblical instruction, it’s on its face foolish when you think about it.

“It didn’t feel right, I’ll admit.”

Didn’t feel right? There you go—depending on feelings anyway!

“What I meant is it didn’t seem right.”

A bit better. But what if you had said, “I considered the matter, and I didn’t find any biblical basis for proceeding with it?” Don’t you think that a statement something like that—where you are looking for an objective answer from God’s Standard—would have been better? Of course, you would have had to do so to be honest.

“Well, I did look at the Bible, and I couldn’t find anything to help.”

There is a biblical principle that may fit your case.

“Tell me about it.”

It’s found in Romans 14.

“I thought that book was all about theology, and stuff like that.”

Well, there’s certainly allot of theology in Romans, for sure, but that’s not all that’s there. Some very practical matters are there which—rightly so—are based on theological principles.

“Oh. Well tell me about Romans 14.”

O.K. Here’s what he writes in verse 23, “But whosoever doubts is condemned if he eats, because he doesn’t eat in faith; and whatsoever isn’t done in faith is sin.”

“But my problem has nothing to do with eating.”

I didn’t think that it would.

“Well, then, why bring it up?”

I told you we were going to examine a principle that might help you. The principle is “whatsoever isn’t done in faith is sin.”

“How does that help?”

Just this way. There were Romans who didn’t know whether or not they should eat certain foods—we needn’t go into that here—but they thought that doing so might be sin. Paul says, until you are sure that it isn’t sinful to do so, don’t. It’s that simple. I like to call it the “Holding principle.” You put the matter on hold until you can determine biblically whether or not it is or isn’t sin to do something.

“Hmmm I think O see it now: to move ahead in this matter would be sin if suspect it might be. But what if it isn’t sin?”

At this point, that doesn’t matter. Until you determine from the Bible (not from feelings) that it isn’t sin, you should take no further action. Of course, if you determine it is, that settles the matter. But of you’re not sure, you shouldn’t go ahead, because if you do, you are doing something that you think might be sin. Can you do that in God’s sight ? Of course not! To so what you think might be sin (even if it really isn’t) is sin on your part because of your attitude . . .”

“What do you mean my attitude?”

Simply this, you would be willing to do something that you thought might be sin—that is a sinful attitude. So even if the act—whatever it is—isn’t sin; your attitude in doing it is sin.

“Got it! I put it on hold until I’m sure, biblically, that it’s OK to move ahead.”

You did. Blessings!

Check out our online courses, including, Introduction to Nouthetic Counseling and  The Use of Scripture in Counseling, taught by Jay Adams!

Books related to counseling others:

1. Competent to Counsel by Jay Adams
2. The Christian Counselor’s Manual by Jay Adams
3. How to Help People Change by Jay Adams
4. Check out our Bookstore for all the best counseling books!

The Christian Counselor’s New Testament and Proverbs, translated by Jay Adams

Visit our online bookstore for all your biblical counseling resource needs.
For more biblical counseling training, check out our list of INS Online Courses.

Follow INS on Social Media:
– Facebook: noutheticstudies
– Twitter: @noutheticstud
– Instagram: @noutheticstudies

The post What to Do About It appeared first on Institute for Nouthetic Studies | Biblical Counseling.

WOW! Snow up to your armpits (if you’re short enough).

I’ve had my fill of shoveling snow—no snow-blowers in my snow days!

What will happen to all of the runoff when the sun comes out and it melts? Bound to be some flooding, if no floods.

God sends what He sends, and we must be satisfied with it. For some reason that snow is a great blessing (ask the kids, they’ll give you some reasons). But, while we must be satisfied with what God sends, we also have some responsibility in the matter of whether or not we get snowed in. Because it’s so unlikely for anyone to have that happen in SC where I now live, I made sure when I moved to take up residence here. I had other reasons, but that was surely a large factor!

This reminds us that we are responsible for the decisions we make. Now, it isn’t possible for everyone to move to SC (thanks for that!), of course. But if you could and you didn’t, well—let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

We’re talking about decisions you make that are based on options that are clearly yours to make—and which you could make either way! How often we complain, blame others, and curse the snow—when whatever it is that we are facing is due to our bad choices. Little more need be said. I’ll leave it there, except to say that before we blame other—or God, as many do—don’t forget who made the decision—you. Yes, you who just got your hat knocked off by a snowball!

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The post Let It Snow appeared first on Institute for Nouthetic Studies | Biblical Counseling.

That’s what the waitress asked. Well, if you’re like me, I prefer taking a minute or two to go over the menu before answering—especially if it’s a new restaurant where I’m about to dine. I don’t like being rushed by some waitress into making a quick decision. And, when I hesitate, I especially dislike her hovering over me, pencil poised to write.

It’s at that point I usually regret having to say something like, “I think I need a minute or two longer to decide,” or words to that effect.

Counselees probably don’t like being rushed into making decisions either. Indeed, they ought not. And they surely shouldn’t do so either—whether or not they like it! Decisions made in biblical counseling are not made principally to the counselor, but to God! Taking care to explain this to counselees is important so that they neither plunge ahead without adequate thought, nor hastily make decisions that they don’t think are all that binding. And, of course, when one says “Yes” or “No” to God, He takes him at his word! And expects him to follow through.

Good counselors explain the import of every decision that’s made. And make sure that counselees understand the importance of them. They obviously want counselees to make good decisions, explain why, and urge them to do so. But, at the same time, they warn about the seriousness of making light-hearted, meaningless decisions. They make every attempt to explain the nature and the consequences of their decisions.

So, make sure that every counselee has carefully “read the menu” first!

P.S.  We just bought a puppy. It’s a mix between poodle, Snazzier and Shiatsu. Cute, friendly, little all-black job.

The post Always Read Carefully appeared first on Institute for Nouthetic Studies | Biblical Counseling.