Recently I received a phone call from someone who is having a problem. Now, I usually say to people who call wanting help that I can’t help with specific problems because I don’t have enough data, that I can’t speak to all the persons involved, that I can’t ask them questions I might like to ask, and that I am hearing only one side.
“So, what do you tell them?”
Well, if they persist in asking for help, if it seems wise in a given case, I say , “I may be able to give you some help about what the Bible has to say about an issue—that is, what it says about any principles you may need to understand; but there is no way I could give you any advice about a specific situation.
“Do they settle for that?”
It’s interesting, the next thing that frequently happens is that they begin to tell me about the specific situation anyway: “Three weeks ago . . .” And at that point, I usually, break in before they go very far and say, “Now wait a minute. You’re not asking about biblical principles or teachings. You’re beginning to tell me about a situation. . . and. as I just said, there’s no way I can deal with that on the phone.” It’s almost as if they hadn’t heard me!
“How do they respond to that?”
Usually in one of two ways:
- They get the point and ask about a biblical principle, which I try to answer.
- They try again to tell me about the specific problem.
“Then, what do you say?”
Well, ordinarily, I’ll stop them again in mid sentence, and say something like, “I know that you’re really concerned about this matter, and I understand that you want help. I wish I could give it to you, but because of what I told you before, I simply can’t help you—there’s no way I can get the information I would need to do so in this phone call. If I tried to advise you I’d be working with too little information, and I’d probably give you the wrong advice. People’s lives are too important to give quick answers and counsel about them, when you don’t know enough to do so. I’m sorry.”
Then, I’ll suggest that they talk to their pastor or to someone nearby who knows how to counsel biblically.
“Does that settle it?”
Usually. Though, sometimes they go on to say, “But let me tell you what happened three weeks ago . . .”