Most marriages develop their characteristic patterns not by design but by drift. Courses of least resistance, following one’s own desires and the like, in time develop into patterns. But you will never drift into God’s pattern. It will come only by repentance, by prayerful understanding, and by conscious decision to follow it. That decision must be backed by a continued, daily awareness of what you are doing and a repetitive effort to realize God’s design in all you do.

You must choose between drift and decision. Decide now to reshape your marriage according to God’s great plan set forth in the pattern of Christ and His church. If you do, your marriage will be blessed more and more as it grows (not drifts) into the shape designed by God.

• Conclusion of a chapter Jay was invited to write for a book on marriage that was rejected by the book’s editor. It was eventually published in the Journal of Pastoral Practice (Vol. X, No. 1, 1989, pp. 38-44).